| time's up |
[Oct. 20th, 2005|10:55 pm] |
we~ll,
this will be the last entry I will write with this account, because
the game is over!
I will close it
but for everyone who's interested I'm still here just with an other name, so you won't miss the stupid shit that's happening in my life XD
Don't worry I'm still there for a laugh
Why I am closing this one?
Alright, I need a change. It started with changing my animexx-nick and this is the next step. Like men always like to say: "women change their haircut and/or color with a change in their life"
Ok, it's no haircut change but a nick-change *lol*
Might sound stupid but to be honest I don't care if you think that's weird or not.
I just need to get away from this account here, for some odd reason I connect some bad memories with it and I want to leave it behind.
There's just no good karma in here anymore ^^
that's the reason I just need to get away from here and start something new
ya, guys I hope to see soon
the name of my new account is hi_za
zaijien *bows* |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 13th, 2005|12:49 pm] |
|
don't ask - just don't ask! |
|
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| ~~~blah~~~ |
[Sep. 4th, 2005|11:18 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  worried | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | none | ] |
mmh...
a new entry since some weeks...
acctually I could tell a lot of stuff, but for some odd reason I just don't feel like it...
I should be happy... really happy... and I am - just one thing is making my life hard... but the worst thing is I can't talk about it (or better to say: I don't want to talk about it)
I'm just afraid... and my emotions are going crazy...
I have a bad feeling but I have to wait... just some time and then I know what's going on...
And I deeply hope - I'm begging - it's not what I am thinking... and what I am afraid of like hell!!
*damn* |
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| ~~~helltrip weekend~~~ |
[Jul. 3rd, 2005|10:17 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | none | ] |
I still can't believe this all happened oO
(and I need to shower very badly >.<)
Zui came on thursday to visit me and we went with Nami and Pucc to "darkflower" to have some fun. Well, it was funny... XD
I was so drunk... oh my... I'm just happy that Nami and Zui (well, I don't wonder that he was drunk XD) were also drunk... I even think they were more drunk than me XD...
Alright then Zui and me went to Freiberg because I had to visit my praents since I haven't had seen them for about two months oO
We had bought some alc and asked Ronron to come around and meet us.
He brought some Sternburg with him as he arrived my parents house and well... Zui and Ronron loved each other from the very first minute XD~~~
the conversation was like this:
Zui: Hi, I'm Zui
Ronron: Hi, I'm Ronny *looks down and notices the Pfefferminz liqueur* Oh Pfeffi!
Zui: *fat smile over his face* yeah, we understand each other!
Ronny: *sits down and takes out the beer*
Zui: Oh Sterburg!! *an even wider smile*
XDDD Well, then Zui wanted to make Ronron to a Náz Ghoul XD~~~
We went in the park an drank a lot of stuff... Ronron and Zui couldn't walk straight ahead anymore in the end XD
(It seems I'm mostly the one who isn't as drunk as the others XD)
Alright next day we stood up at 11am. we were listening to music and suddenly Zui had the idea to invite Toji to Freiberg... Well, he did what he had said and called him (after a long time of researching - and in the end he had to call kisai to get his number)
It was so funny... he just said... Ey, Toji, come to freiberg! Party!
and Toji said Yes oO To be honest I wouldn'T have thought he'd come over to Freiberg... it must be around 500km difference from Hamburg to Freiberg... or? Maybe less... but still a huge distance...
Well, since we had to get some more alc because of Toji (XD) we went shopping and then went with the bus to the garden of my parents to eat Chili con Carne ^^... yes and to drink XD~~~ But my parents started it noone of us ^^;;
Alright after about two hours we walked back to the flat of my parents, because Ronron wanted to come over at 10pm. We surprised him with the message that "The Master" is coming XD
Then we walked to the mainstation and met Toji... and a friend of Ronron... the guys drank all together ten beers and I liked the Pfeffi bottle XD Pfeffi is better than beer!
After we had all bottles empty we went to the EAC where the guys drank a lot of Whiskey (well I told them they should stop but nobody is listening to me *pouts*) and also a lot of beer... and what happened they were drunk like hell and I've been the only one who could walk straight ahead oO
Zui and Toji fell asleep on the couch which made a lot of people laugh when they saw them XD
Hell don't ask me how I've managed it to get them awake again and get them home -.-
It really wasn't funny at all... I had to wake up Zui and I know how angry he gets... well, he was totaly pissed... he always slapped my hand away and was really rude (it kind of disappointed me... well I can't change it)... Toji is much more easier to handle, when he's drunk...
( here are the pix of this chaos night ) |
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| ~~~ill again~~~ |
[Jun. 22nd, 2005|01:09 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | none | ] |
Well, all my posts in the last time seem to be unhappy oO
And now again... yeah -.-
I'm feeling so sick again. My stomach hurts (well acctually it's my right kidney).
I never thought it could hurt that much. I couldn't sleep the last night. I can't walk... I can't sit... every movement hurts...
I visited the doctor today cuz I really was frightnened because of my hurting kidney. I was afraid it's something really serious...
well, it is... kind of...
The doctor said: It's good that you've come so early. This could have been much worse...
*phew* I'm relieved...
I was thinking about it, if I really should go... I'm glad I did it
Now I'm getting some pills and have to see the doc next week again...
I just hope it's not getting worse... |
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| ~~~siblings~~~ |
[Jun. 8th, 2005|08:43 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  sad | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | none | ] |
argggghhhhhhh!!!
I'd like to scream like hell!!
I'd really like to take my sister and shake her till she doesn't know if it's day or night anymore!
How can she be that stupid?!....
I don't get it...
Arggghhh....
I'm not really angry... I'm just so disappointed...
She's so selfish... she doesn't care about other peoples feelings...
she only shouts at my mum... and my mum is trying everything...
but my sister just can't get it...
Why?
My heart is clenching together when I think about my mothers problems...
no money (because of Harzt IV *kick it*)
my father doesn't care about her money problems and also not about her soul...
and my sister's making nothing else but stress... pure horror...
I can't understand her.... I can't understand my father...
all I can do is trying to help my mum... to get her up... trying to heal her soul at least a little bit...
and cry...
I feel so sorry for my mum...
She's giving everything... and nobody recognizes it... nobody cares about it...
nobody cares about her...
just me... and
I'M NOT THERE!!! |
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| my oracles XD |
[Jun. 7th, 2005|06:14 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | MuCc - kasa ga nai | ] |
Yeah I had a lot of time the last days... so I decided to do the Gumiibaerchen-oracle yeah XD
well, here's what I got out of it
( curious? - well sorry german ) |
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| ~~~I want to look up when I'm walking~~~ |
[Jun. 2nd, 2005|09:28 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | MuCc - kasa ga nai | ] |
上を向いて歩こう
涙がこばれないように
思い出す春の日
一人ばっちの夜
上を向いて歩こう
にじんだ星をかぞえて
思い出す夏の日
一人ばっちの夜
幸せは雲の上に
幸せは空の上に
上を向いて歩こう
涙がこばれないように
泣きながら歩く
一人ばっちの夜
思い出す秋の日
一人ばっちの夜
悲しみは星のかげに
悲しみは月にかげに
上を向いて歩こう
涙がこばれないように
泣きながら歩く
一人ばっちの夜
一人ばっちの夜
I want to look up when I'm walking
so that the tears don't run
I remember the day in spring
lonely night
I'm counting the blurred stars
I remember the day in Sommer
lonely night
luck is above the clouds
luck is above the sky
I want to look up when I'm walking
so that the tears don't run
while I'm crying I'm walking
lonely night
I remember the day in autumn
lonely night
sadness is in the shadow of the stars
sadness is in the shadow of the moon
I want to look up when I'm walking
so that the tears don't run
lonely night
lonely night |
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| bored |
[Jun. 1st, 2005|10:00 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | MuCc - kasa ga nai | ] |
You Are The Wayward Heart
"Feel Better."
You are best described as 'Emotional Support'. Anytime an emotional issue comes up or something stresses people out, you are there to help them feel better about it. Whether you are the prankster of the bunch, the funny one, the wild one, or just the shoulder to cry on - your traits favor what it takes to keep people going. You like large groups of people and have many friends. When something hits home for you, however, you have a hard time with it. You also have difficulty paying attention or focusing on one thing. Above all, though, if people are happy, you are happy.
Which Classic Story Role Do You Play?
brought to you by Quizilla
I'm feeling so weird.... again...
I don't know what to think, I don't know what to do...
I feel like floating in the air...
but no nice feeling... it's cold... and I don't know where I'm going...
Do I know at least anything?
Doesn't seem like that...
I'm just seeing no ground... nothing to put my feet on
and stand there... just standing... not floating...
not feeling helpless and alone...
I don't know anything |
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| ~~~fucking life~~~ |
[May. 23rd, 2005|08:58 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | Oomph! - Brennende Liebe | ] |
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Life's driving me really crazy at the moment!!
wtf??!!
I'm writing an important test in japanese tomorrow and I'm thinking about every thing -.-
I just can't concentrate...
But I do so need to concentrate *cries*
I will mess up the test I know it!!...
This really freaks me out...
I don't want to be a loser... but tomorrow I will be...
I can't sleep because I'm so nervous because of the test and when I want to learn I just drift away in my thoughts...
..and I have to think about a guy all the time... but I even don't know him... what the hell is this? Are you kidding me?!
Am I that insane?
I hate myself for being so stupid... but I can't help it...
watashi wa totemo baka da yo!!!!
*naku*
watashi wa nani mo wakaranai yo!
kanji wa taihen muzukashii da yo....
arggghhhh...
[edit:
It seems everyone is trying to drive me insane today oO
My friend just told me right now that she's going with another friend to berlin. That means I have to get there with someone else...
NICE!!
What the hell have I done?! That everybody is pushing me down...]
[2nd edit:
the guy is NO celebrity!!] |
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| ~~~dieing~~~ |
[May. 10th, 2005|07:50 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| | sick | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | MuCc - Gentou sanka | ] |
arggh I'm feeling so damn sick *cries*
It seems like every part of my body is hurting...
my throat feels like it's in flames and every breath is making me cough, what doesn't make my throat hurt less!! ;_;
I really need to see a doctor...
and tomorrow I'm really going...
I wanted to go today also, but in the morning it wasn't bad at all...
at least the pain in the throat was gone... as I thought *slaps herself*
But around lunch it came back and started to hurt even more...
What have I done?!
I wanna party and not lie around...
Til weekend I have to get well...I think even if I'm not feeling that well I will go...
Shitty illness you have to kill me to keep me from this!
Yeah XD |
|
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| ~~~Bring me to life~~~ |
[Apr. 24th, 2005|07:33 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| | shattered | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | Evanescence - Bring me to life | ] |
+sighs+
alright... yesterday I really had a totally fun day... I met friends and it was so funny...
well til we came to 'the' theme... relationships and boys -.-
In my case past relationship (<= yeah without ANY 's')
Acctually I don't have any problem with talking about it... about what happend and what not... but this time it made me think...
And realized how much I'm missing it to have a bf...
Well, and now I thought too much and I can't stop...
What's wrong with me? I can't understand it... I have no luck
I don't know why...
I wish I wouldn't know what it feels like... the tenderness...
I wish I wouldn't have feelings sometimes...
It would be easier...
( poems )
well alright here's something I just found some minutes ago...
It's quite funny
+tries to ease up the situation+
three pix I found in the sid__ community
credits go to vkeiri
( pix )
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| ~~~just a little bit of everything~~~ |
[Apr. 8th, 2005|10:25 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | noise from the street XD | ] |
Well for those who aren't in the sid communtiy ^^
here the cos-pix of us...
Some people might want to see ^^
Teaser:
ah *lol* imagine a fountain behind us ^^;;
( yay~ motto )
off topic:
Well a lot of things happened the last weeks...
Most exciting is the fact that Deg are coming to Germany.
But to be honest... I wasn't excited at the beginning
not that I don't want to see them, I'm dieing to see them
but I guess I was afraid from the very beginning that I wouldn't have the chance to see them... I'm weird
I'm quite pessimistic maybe that's the reason I'm not totaly happy by now... but we will see what happens on monday when I'm going to get the tickets...
But there's a fact that makes me not so depressive ^^
Even if I don't get tickets for the concert I have the chance to see them at Rock am ring...
I don't know why so many people think it's not good that they're playing there... they think it's too commercial... maybe that's true... but what do they want? Do they want to see dir en grey at a Con?
I'm glad they're playing at rock am ring... that just shows that DeG don't want to be just known as a band from Japan with all this manga and anime stuff...
They want to be seen as a rock band... since they are one...
And they want to be known as only this without any connection to the typical stuff...
So I really love the idea that they're playing there... so other people will also get to know them... people who aren't interested in japan at all.
Most of the people who don't like the idea are afraid people would boo them out... maybe there are some people... but there are three stages and I think everybody who's not interested just will check out what's going on on the other stages... I'm not too afraid that people will boo them out...
Why should they? I mean there a rock band, they're professional and they're really good live...
phew... well maybe I'm thinking too much about it ... ^^
I made it to get the vids we took from our cosplay sewing on pc. I just have to edit it and make a short film... but I guess this will need some time.
The new semester started and I have a lot to do... I want to translate a lot of stuff from our old book... just to get it back on my mind... But since I also want to write the original japanese text down this will need a lot of time -.-
But I just noticed the day before yesterday as I made my homework that this is not bad at all since I'm writing the kanji and so I can keep them better in my head...
I even bought a little book... I will use it as calendar and I'm writing everything in japanese in it... So I'm learning the weekdays and also this stupid kanji which is read 'yô' within the weekdays... like kinyôbi (which is today XD)... the kanji is quite complex and I thought I'd never get it into my mind... but after writing down it for about 20times I noticed I don't have to look anymore how it's written... and I guess when I'm writing down the text from the book and then translate it I will learn a lot kanji that I forgot already because we didn't have to learn it... ^^°
I cleand up my room today and I mean really clean it XD
I took everything out of my boards and closets and tossed it on the ground
then I sorted all the stuff I don't need anymore out and threw them into a big wastecan ^^
So my room is now totally clean :3
I just need to clean my rats and put some new stuff in their cage... they love it when the inventory of the cage is changed time by time... and then I need to clean the ground and I'm DONE... YEY XD
Acctually I wanted to do this yesterday but I felt so sick ;_; I had headache and my stomach also hurt... don't know what that was...
I went to bed early but couldn't sleep...
Ah and I dreamed that Aki has both of his nipples pierced XD~~~~~~~
What I don't like... the nipples of men are so tiny it just looks weird with an ring oder something through it...
I have no clue why I dreamed this... I didn't think about it oO
Well yeah... *lol*
Don't try to follow my thoughts XD |
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| bOOring... -.- |
[Mar. 25th, 2005|02:43 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  disappointed | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | Sid (singing it all the time in my head) | ] |
Aww I just read Aki is supposed to be 20 now -.-
NOOOO Aki you HAVE to be OLDER... you ... awww... *dies* I hate it...
At least one year and I'll love you again XD
Well, I'm at home again.... and it's boring AGAIN...
I'm still feeling sorry and bad because of that, but ... what can I do?
All the stuff I need to be happy is in my apartment.... the pix, the vids, the music...
It maybe sounds weird but I'm really missing all that stuff...
*feels stupid*
Ok I'm trying to get the videos I shot of pucc and me on PC so that I can edit them XD There is so much shitty stuff ^^°
Yeah not to mention the scene where we both are acting like a veeery old mao and a veeery old Aki XD~~~~ Maybe I'll even put subs in it so that you guys who speak english will understand what we're talking about XD.... but believe me the acting looks stupid enough XD~~~
I went to a friend of mine yesterday.... the one I get the two rats from... She wanted to show them to me... ans they're really cute and so nice... *loves them already*
They're black and white and two girlies... I think I will call them Yuna (yeah I stole it from FF bu I've always loved the name) and Yuko... but maybe I will change my mind again...
Any ideas?? XD
Yeah I'm starting a give-my-girly-rats-a-name contest :3
And you can win a picture of me *loool* oh no.... that's no good idea... nobody will think about names, when they get a picture of me...
ah well maybe you'll do it without any prize?! *big puppy eyes*
alright... we have some really good pix of our cosplays exspecially of mao... she's so lovely as mao... *hugs*
we will load them up soon... and we will do another fotoshoot... cuz WE WANT MORE PIX! ^^
aww... I will try to get the vids on the pc... *hopes* |
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| stress... |
[Mar. 13th, 2005|06:05 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  artistic | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | MuCc - Ranchuu | ] |
oh my... I will NEVER ever sew pants again ...
Alright 'til the next cos *lol*
I finished the yukata some days ago... after we sewed it again, cuz we didn't like the material of the first one. It just didn't flow well... not like Maos and Akis Yukatas...
So we wasted around two days -.-
Yesterday I started with Akis pants and... well... after half a day of fitting with paper and whatever I was tough enough to finally cut the material XD
I just was afraid it wouldn't fit in any way... and I just had one try because I didn't have enough material to do it again...
But well after that Mai came to visit me and she showed me a special way to sew pants so that the seams won't tear. Yeah I'm happy she showed it to me XD
So I don't have to worry about the pants to rip off and me standing there in nothing but a thong oO
But the first time it didn't really look like pants *lol*
I was so afraid it wouldn't fit... awww...
But around ten o'clock I was done with the most important parts... and yeah it finally looked like pants :3
So I only need to draw the silver points on it XD~~~~
and then I'm done with it...
I think I even will start with the top already... I guess I will need around two or three days for it... well let's see
I hope firlefanz will bring her cam with her today or tomorrow so that we can take some pix to give you a first taste ^^°
Alright...
That's it for now...
x-posted in sid__ |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 9th, 2005|12:42 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  busy | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | SID - Owakare no uta | ] |
Yesterday I finally finished my first outfit ever ... (I had to buy the buckles you remember? That's why it took me so long)
Well, yeah, I think it's ok... though I'm not 100% happy with it... ;_;
So we started sewing our first cosplays ^^
and we had a lot of fun taking stupid pictures XD~~~
One of us either firlefanz or me will upload them here sometime... I just don't know when... since it's her cam... and I don't know if she's doing it... I think I have to "persuade" her XD~~~~
We almost finished the Yukatas and are straight going ahead ^^
So Mao and Aki be aware... we're coming :3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 4th, 2005|02:22 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| | working | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | sid - ao | ] |
oh well,
I'm almost finished with my first outfit *relieved*
Since it's my first try it's not perfect but... I think it's ok nevertheless
I never sewed anything before so I'm quite happy with it.
Of course there are some mistakes but ... hey it looks like it's supposed to be XD
But I need to buy two buckles... I always forgot to buy them -.-
I was so excited because of the aki outfit that I only bought the stuff I need for this one and forgot about the dress-thingy *sighs*
I wanna start with the aki cosplay finally... but I need to finish this one... *lol*
Well aki I'm getting poor because of your clothes... *cries* Why do you have so many eyes (or eyelets oO) on your top?
Well ok it looks cool ... but they're so darn expensive ;_;
I just hope I bought everything and don't have to buy anything more...
Hell I'm so excited I hope it will look good...
And I'm curious if at least some people will recognize who I'm cosplaying :3
Since it's my first cosplay ever I want it to be really good
*goes to finish the first outfit*
P.S.: *runs back*
I'm gonna get two rats ^^°
A friend of mine called about ten minutes ago and told me her rat got nine babies XD
She talked to my sister and she told her that I'm thinking about getting some rats, well that's why she called me and asked me if I'd like to have two of her baby rats...
And she gives me a cage too, for only €10
that's cool |
|
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| SeWiNg, SeWiNg... |
[Feb. 23rd, 2005|02:37 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| | crushed | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | TV -.- | ] |
Phew, I'm tired -.-
and bored. *sighs*
Well, I started sewing like most of you already know and I really like it.
Now I'm at the home of my parents for about an week, but I'm already bored.
Though here are three people jumping around me I'm sitting around not knowing what to do. I even tried to sew but for gods sake I just can't concentrate on it.
I don't know what to do with my time. I'm sleeping almost all day just to let time pass faster.
I wanna be in my flat again and sew like a maniac. I don't have a lot of time anymore, and I need to sew three more pieces -.-
I even start to eat a lot again just because I'm so bored. oO
Maybe that's the reason why no diet ever worked at home. I just was too bored and had nothing else to do.
I don't know what the big difference is. It's not that I'm totally stressed in Leipzig. I'm doing normal stuff to be exactly not even a lot more than at my parents house. But I'm not that bored... and I can at least sew and listen to music... I can't do it here, exspecially not the music I wanna listen to ;_;
I'm feeling bad... I'm a bad person. I'm back home, visiting my family and the only thing I think about is being in my flat again. I missed them and I'm glad to see them again but I just want to be home again.
I want to do something... I don't want to sit around all day... |
|
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| BoRiNg!! |
[Feb. 20th, 2005|10:08 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | TV | ] |
You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.
What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla |
|
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| OnLiNe AgAiN!! |
[Feb. 16th, 2005|10:25 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| | creative | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | tv | ] |
Oh I just saw it's kyôs birthday today... ok in japan it's already over but who cares?
not me XD
Well kyôs birthday seems to be a lucky day for me... since I "know" him something good was happening and is happening on this day. Last year I received their photobook ware right on his birthday and today everything seems to be cool. I'm sewing clothes for a meeting (kind of a con-thingy) and it's quite good though it's my first try. (am I sounding conceited?)
And my internet is working again... *jumps around* I had no internet for about two weeks... and I missed it... a lot
The last two weeks were very exciting. I started to sew. Well I started with buying the materials, of course ^^
And it seems I'm not as bad as I thought *sighs*
On Friday I had a trip to munich because Kagerou were giving a concert there. It was really cool and funny... and embarassing, but that's another story oO
Though I have a lot of trouble with the girl who is living with me in a flat I'm not sad or anything...
Ok, well, I'm kind of pissed because of her... but this only comes up when she's around and fortunately she's most of the time in her parentshouse.
*relieved sigh* |
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